so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
