Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
