Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
