could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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