i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
