wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
