we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
