im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
