At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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