the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
