"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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