I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
