I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
