at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
cat food counts as protein by the way
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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