I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
