is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
