I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
