I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
