Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
