I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
