I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
