Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They took my balls.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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