I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
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Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners