it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.