What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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