this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
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You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.