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• (813): View more from Florida

  I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think you have the wrong number

  (813): View more from Florida

  so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.

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• (315): View more from New York

  im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!

  Fav 41 3390 1347

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i'll start checking the bushes on campus.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.

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  These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?

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  21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities

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• (253): View more from Washington

  So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  strike, motherfucker.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners

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