Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
