We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
