Are we in a gay sports bar?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
