Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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