mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize