This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
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It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
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I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I had to cum in my sink.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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