Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
