They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize