I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
