Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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