I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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