just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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