people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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