I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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