hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
