my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
