the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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