Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
