My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
