Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
