I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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