i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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