New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't deserve a penis
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
