the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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