I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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