Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
