Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
