I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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