I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
