well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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