Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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