I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
