I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
