my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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