If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
