i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
