I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
