I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
