susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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