i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
