you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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