i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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