That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
