i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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