why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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