yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
