Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
